Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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