ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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