Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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