This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
