what day is it and did you see me today?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
