i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
