He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
