Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
