did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
