Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
