is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
