my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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