he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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