just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize