I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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