I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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