Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
