im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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