there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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