Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
