Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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