she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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