So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize