I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
