it was like his penis was on wheels.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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