So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
