I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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