i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
