She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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