Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
