My sheets look like a crime scene.
My cat gives me a boner
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
