a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
