I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You are a genius and a whore.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
