she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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