[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
