Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
