Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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