already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
