Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
