if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She even gives head with a lisp.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
