You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
