i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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