I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
