Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
