She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
