i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
