You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
