He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
