That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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