I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
