he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
