i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
