Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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