Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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