I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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