It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
