That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
