yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
