So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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