if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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