i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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