wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
