Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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