Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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