Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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