you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
